ANGEL RAY THINKS WE SHOULD ALL BE DESPERATE IN LOVE LIKE CARRIE

ANGEL RAY THINKS WE SHOULD ALL BE DESPERATE IN LOVE LIKE CARRIE

On a rainy Monday night, we met up with model Angel Torres, one of the zine cover stars, at NYC’s Public Hotel to discuss being a Black trans non-binary model, finding themselves in the city and why we should all be desperate in love like Carrie Bradshaw. Angel Torres is a 24 year old creative living in Queens, NY. By day, they work in the sustainable fashion industry and pick up freelance social media work between gigs. Since moving to NYC in 2018, Ray has modeled for such beauty/lifestyle and fashion brands as: Cocokind, Chillhouse, Devacurl, Fur, Kiehls, Planet.i, Tanner Fletcher, and XMondo. As an independent model with no representation, Angel strives to move onto bigger projects with an agency that can respect all aspects of being Black and trans. 

BRYCE RAY: So, obviously you’ve seen Sex and the City, which of the women would you say you are and why?

ANGEL RAY: This is such a hard question. But as far I know, I would say that I’m mostly Miranda. With a little of Carrie. Just like sprinkled on top. Just like her delusion…my own… [Laughs.] But I think Miranda. Not really style wise. I mean, sometimes I can get a little fishy, but Miranda’s very hard headed. And to me, she’s just such a strong woman on the show.

BR: She is! She’s the most underrated, honestly. 

AR: I feel like she’s never anyone’s--actually that’s a lie, Charlotte’s never anyone’s favorite. 

BR: [Laughs.] True. 

AR: Poor Charlotte. Miranda for sure. She’s very honest. 

BR: She is! And, I think, reboot aside, she aged the best. Have you seen the reboot? 

AR: Oh, obviously. I’m so excited for the next season. 

BR: Girl, me too. 

AR: I feel like it got a lot of hate, but it was so quintessentially Sex and the City. Like it’s always been corny. 

BR: Right, like it’s always been these privileged, liberal white women. 

AR: Oh, totally. And they know that. They definitely write that into the show on purpose. 

BR: The reboot was so reactionary to the original series and the criticism they got, but I wouldn’t expect it to be anything else. Like that’s exactly how they would react to this so-called modern world. 

AR: It’s a little play on, like, the white woman fantasy. 

BR: Oh, it definitely is. I was reading something that talked about how you can watch the original show in two ways: you can watch it and see it as this fantasy that you can never have, or you can watch it and think, “Oh, that’s so my life.” And there’s probably some people who think a mix of both, but the reboot is the same way.

AR: Exactly. I think they’re very much still in the same world. 

BR: Yes, definitely. The same New York. And it’s definitely not a New York that everyone has.

AR: No, but we can still thrive. 

BR: Right, we can still pretend we’re Carrie with our little designer bags.

AR: I actually had my little Carrie moment earlier. I was running for the train in this trench, my dress, my little heels.

BR: Curly hair flowing back.

AR: The rain was just in my face. [Laughs.]

BR: So when did you move to the city?

AR: I moved here in 2018. I was going to FIT [Fashion Institute of Technology] at the time, so I was living in the dorms, which is disgusting, but you know. I was going there for the business side of the school which was really boring to me. I just can’t do school. I went for a year, got my associates and then dropped out. There was nothing there fulfilling me creatively. Not that I knew I wanted to do some type of art of any kind. 

BR: What did you want to be? Even now, what’s your goal?

AR: You know, that’s a great question. [Laughs]. I model here and there and would love to take that to an upper level. Getting a full-time modeling career would be so ideal, but I think it might be unrealistic at this point. Like I’m not going to expect to not have a full-time job as well as doing freelance stuff. It’s a really hard struggle of not putting myself too much in my daily work and saving myself for those side projects.

BR: I very much understand. Especially if you’re working 40 hours a week, whatever, and you’re a creative trying to pursue other projects. It’s like, who has the energy? Who has the time? 

AR: Yeah, New York is fucking hard. 

BR: It is! But I think that’s what makes the city so great. It’s a survival city, and you either flourish or--

AR: You flop!

BR: And that’s the fun of it! You never know what the day is going to bring. 

AR: Hitting rock bottom can be, like, cute. [Laughs.]

BR: So tell me, you’re non binary. What has that journey been like for you? When did you first start having those feelings?

AR: I was actually talking about this recently with friends. I feel like in my hometown, growing up knowing I’m queer. It wasn’t really a debate about it. You know what I mean, it was just always there. But I feel like it wasn’t until I was, like, 18 or 19 hanging out around so many of my queer friends--because we obviously had to stick together--that there was any kind of trans identity. There were a lot of things going on in my head, thinking about how I viewed my own gender and what that looks like to me. 

BR: What does that look like to you?

AR: Realness. Realness, for sure. But I feel like it looks different on a daily basis. Sometimes I’m really giving boy, but that’s part of my gender journey. 

BR: How has your gender journey informed your work and what you want to do? Or has it?

AR: I mean, I think modeling as a non-binary person is really interesting, because I think you know, I really want to fill that space as a black non-binary person, but sometimes getting work is hard. 

BR: Right, there’s a very limited box that they put queer people--specifically non binary and trans people--in to.

AR: Especially when I’m applying for things. They’re going to be looking for women representation, but I’m still going to apply, beard and all. [Laughs.] And so that’s probably not what they’re looking for. But there’s not opportunities just popping up for trans and non-binary people, so it’s definitely hard. But I’m finding my niche spaces. Following the money. 

BR: Where are some of the niche spaces that you’ve found?

AR: Interestingly enough, I feel like I’ve done a lot of beauty campaigns. I think people are always looking for--it’s not always in the best intentions--but looking for more diverse casting. Beauty brands are trying to push making everyone beautiful. Which makes me feel great on set, honestly. 

BR: Have you had any bad experiences on set or have they mainly been positive?

AR: I don’t think I’ve had a bad experience on set. I think there’s confusing times about people on set wanting to be respectful but not necessarily know how to bring it up. Like they’ll use a certain pronoun and then be like, “Oh, is that okay? What do you go by, I forgot to ask?” 

BR: Is that something that bothers you?

AR: I mean, yeah, it's annoying. As someone who doesn’t really get annoyed easily with how people perceive my gender, my first thought wouldn’t be “he” or “sir.” Like sometimes when I’m at my day job, working in retail, I’m like, you know, giving, and the girls come in, and they’re trying on dresses and they want to be all nice when I’m helping them, but when I check them out they’ll go: “Thank you so much, sir.” Like, HUH? Like I know I have a beard but like. [Laughs.] So, yeah, I haven’t had a lot of bad experiences. It’s mostly been a lot of women on set. Which I love. Like the energy is always there.

BR: We love a girl’s girl. 

AR: But I really want to move more in the fashion scene, so we’ll see how that is because it’s a really hard world to break into. But honestly, the beauty campaigns and the commercials stuff pays and I need to pay rent so. 

BR: How has moving to and living in NYC informed your queerness?

AR: I think, you know, living in my hometown and being in that bubble, I didn’t really think of how I would express my gender. I was just kind of going along with what I had my whole life. But moving to New York, I think it’s freed me in a lot of ways and let me express myself however I want. No matter how crazy I look, I’m still going to give it. [Laughs]. I think I’ve learned a lot more to not care what people think. Like, dirty looks on the street, they make me feel good. If you are a boring straight cis white person on the street and you’re not giving me a dirty look…like give it to me! I want to kind of disgust you.

BR: I totally get that. It’s like if people don’t look at me a certain way that day, I didn’t accomplish anything. So, going back to Sex and the City, what would you say is your favorite part of the show?

AR: Oh, I feel like there’s so many layers. You know, I think one of the core parts of the show is the relationship that the women have together and the safeness that they bring each other. Which I love. But, you know, I’m a little bit of a hopeless romantic. I love watching the relationships the most and how their love life’s play out. You know, Carrie is a little pathetic in love, and I really admire that about her.

BR: It’s really brave of her.

AR: Yeah, of course! I think that’s why I sprinkle a little of her in myself. And not just Miranda. I just love love. I love to see it and live it. 

BR: How has being gender nonconforming affected your love life? 

AR: I think it’s definitely easier, I think, for people to want to be interested in me in a sexual way. Because it’s easier to not think of what’s really there in the day time. You know what I mean? I think when I was single, it was definitely easier to go through hookups to meet people instead of finding people to go on dates with and be in a serious relationship with. Which I’ve always loved a serious relationship.

BR: It’s the Carrie!

AR: No, literally, it’s the Carrie. I was always looking for something in people, but it’s really fucking hard to find. But I’m with a partner now. 

BR: How long have y’all been together?

AR: We’ve been together for, like, over a year and half now. It’s giving Big. Lifelong. But not in the toxic way.

BR: Are you a Big girl or an Aidan girl?

AR: I think, obviously, Carrie and Big’s relationship is toxic and disgusting. Like I admire the desperation of love. It’s a desperate love and they put a lot of work into that, but Aidan is top tier. 

BR: What do you think of Aidan coming back for season two of the reboot? Have you seen the pap shots? 

AR: Oh my god, I don’t think I have, but I love to see it! Though I would love to see Carrie not in a relationship. 

BR:Yes! We need single girl Carrie back!

AR: Single Carrie is fun! But, you know, again, she lives for love. And that’s a life that’s interesting and exciting. I’ve seen love in that way for a long time for myself. Just a little Carrie sprinkle. 

BR: Where do you think that came from? Were your parents a good representation of that?

AR: I’ve had a single mother for as long as I can remember, so I wouldn’t say there was a good representation of love there. And maybe that’s why I do search for it so much. But I also think her love for us showed us something different that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. 

BR: Are you and your mom really close?

AR: Yeah! I mean, in my teen days we obviously fought a lot, but I think we’ve both gone through so much, individually and together, that as I started to grow up outside of high school, we just became so close. I feel so comfortable talking to her about my queerness and gender. Like she does have questions, but I always love to answer them. 

BR: Was there a moment in which came out to her? Or was it just kind of a “girl, I know” moment? 

AR: As I was saying, I’ve always been a little queer. There was no question about it. So I didn’t really come out to a lot of people at school. It was just assumed. But I actually came out to my mom saying I was pansexual when I was 18, and she was kind of shocked. I was like, “are you serious?”

BR: Was it being pansexual that she was shocked about? 

AR: She said she never wanted to make an assumption about anything, so she just didn’t think about it. 

BR: But she never had an issue with it.

AR: Yeah, she just has always wanted me to be safe and happy. 

BR: Okay, one last question: why do you think queer people love Sex and the City so much in spite of all of its problems?

AR: Maybe it has to do with the sense of family and community they created within their friend group. A safety net that you know will always be there for you. Maybe it has to do with the overall theme of sexual freedom and liberation of being so open in a city like New York. Love and sex sells, a combination of both for sure. Plus, the fashion, duh. 

BR: The fashion! Of course. Well, I think that’s it. Should we go smoke a joint? 

AR: Let’s do it. 

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and your viewing pleasure.

Lensed by Dainique Jones (@dainiquesphotos)

Styled by Bryce Ray (@popstarbiitch)

Style Asst: Sonya Stasiuk (@sonyastasiuk)

Production Asst: Ty Dalrymple (@tydalrymple)