DEAR DIVA

DEAR DIVA

Jose Useche, writer, actor, gay guy, returns to PSB with the fourth remixed edition of his fabulous advice column. In theme with our current issue, Useche tackles what’s plaguing our readers through the lens of an all-powerful diva. He talks how to reconnect with our inner divas after heartbreak and tips for dealing with what may be eclipsing the diva within, in this case, a shitty day job. Let’s get into it, divas.

Q: Diva down! I’m going through a breakup and feeling totally out of touch with my special sauce. How can I get back out there and feel like myself again? 

Oh, miss thing, my heart goes out to you. There are very few definites in life, but enduring the end of a relationship is undoubtedly one of them (unless you marry your highschool sweetheart or like die extremely young or whatever). Whoa, that got morbid quick! What I’m trying to say here is you are not alone. Every day, thousands, if not millions of people hear some horrid variation of “this isn’t working out,” “we should see other people,” or “I didn’t appreciate it when you asked if you could make out with my friend at my birthday party, please leave.” And when that news hits – it’s over – it feels like the world is ending. 

Everywhere you look is some reminder of what once was, or what could’ve been. In the words of Disney Channel star turned salacious pop diva Sabrina Carpenter on breakups: “You used a fork once, turns out forks are fucking everywhere.” Whether it’s the bed you once laid on together, an inside joke you shared, or the yearning for their name to appear on your phone once more, the loss is nebulous and omnipresent. It sucks, sucks, sucks! There is no escaping that. But as anyone who has been in your situation will share, the true healer here is time.

As all divas know, you can’t rush perfection, but you also can’t rush grief. Right now, the grief is a thick, sludgy mess covering everywhere you move. You’re moving through a molasses of sadness. But there will be cracks, and relief: an hour that passes by where you don’t think about them; the first time you break the news to a friend without crying; a night of sleep without dreams of them. The cracks will grow and grow until the grief is less dense, more manageable, and even welcome. I wish I could tell you when that will happen, but I can’t. I can only tell you that it will. That is my Diva Promise to you. 

In the meantime, be EXCESSIVELY kind to yourself, like any diva down should be treated. When the grief appears – perhaps it’s with you right now – think of it not as something to be destroyed or repressed, but soothed. I call it Adult Baby. Would the grief like a glass of water? A nice long hug from a friend? A silly TV show? To punch a pillow? And when the grief says “but I want them,” you can simply say back, “I know, I want them too, but unfortunately that’s not an option right now. What would be the next best thing?”

I’m wishing you well, diva. I know you’ll be okay. It feels like the world is ending, but it isn’t. You are simply entering a new one. 

Q: UGH! My new manager is a total diva…and not in a good way. How can I manage working with such a C U Next Tuesday? 

DIVA! How dare someone out there misrepresent the qualities that make a good diva – knowing what you want, having an unapologetic air, boldness and originality – for EVIL?! Shame on your boss.

Look…work is tough. If I could have it my way, I’d be a full time Party Girl and let the rest sort itself out. Alas, capitalism has other plans. Work is a necessary evil that unfortunately takes up 60-80% of our week. When our career gets bleak, so do we. There’s a couple avenues to explore here, so let’s get into it.

My first item of advice is to get objective. You’ve decided how you feel about this person: they suck, and you’re probably right, but do they suck all the time? Can you approach each interaction, project, correspondence, whathaveyou, with an air of curiosity or benefit of the doubt? Remember that tone can be hard to read, especially on Slack and beyond, so while it may be easy to jump to the conclusion that Theresa is being a nightmare again, take a deep breath, and see if this is a reply you can let slide. You’ve got to pick your battles diva! We mustn't let every jab cut so deep. 

Getting objective can also help build your case if or when it’s time to show the receipts. Start to document when a true line is crossed, and you may find it’s not as bad as you thought, or that you have enough evidence to maybe send the bitch packing. Oops! Did I write that down out loud?

Anyway, my second item of advice is to get INVESTED in some coping skills. As your manager continues to reign as Evil Diva Supreme, you’re going to need to find relief. Can you schedule some PTO? Or a block on your calendar that’s just for you to cool off and do some heads down work? What about after work – maybe a journal where you write down all the ways this person infuriates you? Or a meditation on the train ride to your apartment? Energy CARRIES diva, you know this, and you’ve got to dispel it before it comes home with you.

Lastly – and this is if nothing else is working – let’s get JOB HUNTING. If it really seems there’s no end in sight, and our Lady of Perpetual Micromanagement is continuing to kill your vibe, it’s time to say sayonara. Any good diva knows when the party’s over! Making sure your resume is up to date, or letting others in your network know you’re #OpenToWork can help bring you to the next chapter, one where The Supervisor Who Shall Not Be Named is no longer a part of it. And when the page has finally turned, you’ll have a laugh about never having to see them again over a celebratory cosmo. (Also, don’t forget, diva’s don’t use ChatGPT to write their cover letters, or for anything really. AI stands for anti-imagination. Good work is like good sex, I’ll take the real thing please, not a virtual rendition.)

You got this diva. Remember, a tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.